


Dean's Last Note

by orphan_account



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Inspired by Twist and Shout - gabriel & standbyme, Suicide
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-10-20
Updated: 2015-10-20
Packaged: 2018-04-27 05:19:11
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 487
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5035372
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dean writes his last note to Cas after his death.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Dean's Last Note

**Author's Note:**

> I'm terrible with summaries, I'm sorry. Here's a short little thing I wrote out of boredom. I suggest you read Twist and Shout before reading this, if you haven't already! It's amazing. So yeah please tell me if I made any mistakes! Comments and kudos are always appreciated!

_Dear Cas,_

 

I went to the beach today. I picked up some nice looking seashells. They were big and small and one was chipped. When I got home, I listened to Elvis but had to turn it off when I started shaking. I still haven't spoken with Sammy.

I miss you a lot, Cas. It hurts so much thinking about you. Sometimes I think I can hear your voice or see you on the street when I'm on my way to the bar. You know, sometimes I wonder if I had never been sent to war and we had gotten a house in the country where no one could bother us, would we have been happy? Or if the war had never screwed me up so bad and I came back as the Dean you said you loved, would we have been okay? I just wish we could meet in another life or another time when people were more accepting of people like us. And then I think that maybe we would have been better off never meeting each other that night at the party. Then I get sad and have to stop thinking about it.

But... What if? If you had never met me you would have graduated from college and you would have lived the life you wanted. It's my fault you got so fucked up. No matter how you look at it.

You told me to come back to you. To always come back. The Dean you knew and loved died. All that was left was a monster - a demon. I'm so sorry I didn't come back. I love you, baby. I love you and I want a do-over. You deserve - _deserved_ \- better.

I don't even get any sleep at night because every time I close my eyes all I can see is you. I can see your smile and feel your warmth. I can see your tears and I hear your voice. I remember how our bodies moved together in perfect sync, as if they were made for each other. I can hear, not only your beautiful laugh, but your heartbreaking sobs as well. It's beautiful but it hurts so bad.

I love remembering your laugh and how you loved Elvis. I love remembering our time at the beach. But I hate remembering how much you must have cried when Ieft and I keep thinking _'I did that to him'._

I love you. I love you so fucking much and I want you back. I don't think I'll ever feel happy again. I know I'll never be happy again.

This time, you left me. And I know you can't come back. Though I deserve to be alone, I'm still selfish. So I'm coming to you, baby. I'm gonna write a note to Sam and leave it here. I already bought a gun. I'll drive down to the beach tomorrow.

See you then.

 _-_ _Dean_

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!


End file.
